haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
