You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
