Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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