brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
