I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
