shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
