The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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