she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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