this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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