shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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