Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
