I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
