Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
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dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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