Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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