I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
