I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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