He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Such a big mess for such a small penis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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