Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
