okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
the raccoons are back...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
