I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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