Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
