How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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