My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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