The maid of honor just puked.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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