i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
