OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
