Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
