oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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