I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
