Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
