Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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