i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Drake has all the answers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
