I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
