If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
