you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
