I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
