the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
