So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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