He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
