the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
