I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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