I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
