I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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