Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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