you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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