just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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