Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
