we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
