He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
