No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
