then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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