Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
