I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
