I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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