You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
