My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
