What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
