who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
