help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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