you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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