covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
...so i touched it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
