Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think your dad took our porno
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
