Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
