This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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