i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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