Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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