my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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