This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
