I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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