i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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