4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
