My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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