he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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